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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24397741">Together</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlagainsthumanity/pseuds/girlagainsthumanity'>girlagainsthumanity</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Magic aboard the Waverider [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ava trying to help her and being amazing as usual, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Post 05x11, Premonitions, Sara’s magical power, Sara’s powers, before 05x12, sara blaming herself and generally disliking herself, season 5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:48:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,198</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24397741</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlagainsthumanity/pseuds/girlagainsthumanity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m sorry.” Her voice is barely a whisper. “Please don’t hide from me Sara.” Her tone gives off more than her words but I can’t turn to her or let her comfort me. If I do, I fear I won’t be able to stop crying. </p><p>OR</p><p>Sara’s angry and feels guilty. All Ava wants to do is help Sara.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sara Lance &amp; Ava Sharpe, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Magic aboard the Waverider [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761727</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>101</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Season 5 Spoilers<br/>——<br/>Another short on how Sara’s power disrupts her life.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I throw my bō staff towards, what I hope is, the wall furthest away from us as I spin on my heels. I want to walk away, but I can’t hear the sounds of the room over the clanging of the bō against the metal floor and Ava’s breathing. I was taught how to listen over my breathing and hear the sounds of what is around me but not Ava’s and not over anger, or at least my anger.</p><p> </p><p>I remember when Al Shabah taught me. It took almost 3 months and so many wounds before I was able to hear my surroundings. It took me even longer to be able to anticipate others moves. I had just gotten good at hand-to-hand fighting and using the bō. I had just passed my first test in Nanda Parbat and then Ra’s decided to force me to do this. Something that isn’t done within the first year of training and something that often ended in severe injury and even death. I was angry. So angry. Not just about Ra’s making me do this but about everything else that had happened. And that anger, it held me back. I couldn’t reach my potential because I wasn’t channeling my anger. <em>Instead I let it take me over. Just like now. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>I shake my head, not wanting to think about my time there. Instead, I want to walk away and I want to take a damn shower but I can’t. Because when I do I always end up pushing the red button or I knock everything over or can’t figure out how to regulate the water temperature. <em>Something I never fucking worried about before. </em></p><p> </p><p>I lean back against the cold wall of the gym, breathing in and out deeply but it’s too fast. I’m clenching my jaw so tightly, it hurts. My hands are tightly balled up into fists at my sides. I want a wing chun dummy to hit, to release this feeling because... if I don’t, I know that familiar feeling of my eyes burning means I’ll start crying. And I will not cry. <em>I will not cry in front of Ava. She needs me to be strong and brave. No matter what. </em>I’m tempted to ask Gideon to fabricate one for me but.. Ava. She’ll just worry and scream at John and Gideon again to fix me.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, babe,” The closeness of her voice startles me, causing me to step away. “S-Sara, it’s just me.” I don’t need sight to know she’s in front of me. She’s concerned, her voice is laced with fear. “Look, lets call it a day, okay?” Shes waiting for me to answer but I don’t.</p><p> </p><p>I forced her to spar with me and it was a mistake. She knew it before we started, guess I’m not the only one who can see into the future. I can <em>barely</em> anticipate her moves, I can’t tell if she’s going high or low, I can’t focus on her movements, even her walking towards me just now, I didn’t even know until she was in front of me. I am a League of Assassins member. I was forced to not rely on my sight, but my hearing, smell in particular. And now I can’t, nothing is working.</p><p> </p><p>“Babe-” And it’s at that moment when everything goes black.</p><p> </p><p>-//-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It’s one of those visions where I see multiple different versions of the future. My head aches as I see Ava, holding a shotgun and screaming my name, her face contorted in pain; then I see her burying me, but she’s old; then I see Ava, leading the team, me nowhere in sight. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>-//-</p><p> </p><p>“Sara!” The panic in her voice brings me back. Instantly pull away from her, yanking my arm away from her hold, with too much force, causing me to stumble backwards.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop! Don’t touch me!” My voice is too loud and too aggressive. The burning liquid in my eyes intensified. My words are just left, hanging between us, Ava not saying anything but I know I just hurt her. “Just-just don’t touch me.” My voice breaks as the tears fall. I turn my back to her, as I try to regain control.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Her voice is barely a whisper. “Please don’t hide from me Sara.” Her tone gives off more than her words but I can’t turn to her or let her comfort me. If I do, I fear I won’t be able to stop crying. <em>In through the nose, out through the mouth. </em>“Sar- I, I don’t know how to help you so please tell me.”</p><p> </p><p>I bite down on my lip, trying to prevent the sob escaping. Her words break me further, more than I could’ve predicted. I reach my hand out, trying to feel the wall and when I do, I rest the side of my forehead against the cold metal, still facing away. But Ava’s there. I can always feel her presence. She doesn’t say a word but the fear, the pain, it radiates off her. And all I can feel is guilt. Guilt that I, once again, have forced her to be in a situation that causes her pain. Guilt that maybe, if I died when Nora drained my life-force, Ava wouldn’t have been attacked by me when I was possessed, or that she wouldn’t have found out she was a clone and she <em>certainly</em> wouldn’t have been tortured by Neron. And now, just like all of those times and more, she wouldn’t be in pain because of me.</p><p> </p><p>On cue, there’s the anger feeding off my guilt like a parasite. I don’t know how much time has passed but I want distance.<em> I want to hit and kick things</em>. I want to feel some release because it’s too much. I want Ava to go because she’s seen enough of me like this.</p><p> </p><p>I push down the lump in my throat, that feels like a rock and I sniffle, trying to prepare myself to talk. I breathe out a shaky but long breath. “Can you just leave me alone for a bit?” I’m almost glad I can’t see her reaction. When I’ve pushed her away before, the pain on her face is the hardest part. It’s like I’m crushing her and Ava Sharpe does not deserve that. She is the kindest soul I’ve ever met and I bring pain and darkness to that soul far too often.</p><p> </p><p>“O-okay. Maybe I can make us chicken cacciatore for dinner?” She’s stalling. She knows the destruction that can follow when I’m left to my own devices.</p><p> </p><p>I don’t answer. When Rene offered me to join him and the other vigilantes in Star City, I really thought Ava would want to leave the Waverider and a bigger part of me wanted her to make that decision. So we could have somewhat a normal life. My dad would hire her in an instant, he loves her. And we could make memories, happy, normal ones. The ones she deserves. But...</p><p> </p><p>I turn to the wall, my right hand back into a fist, and before I know it, my fist collides with the wall, causing a sharp pain to shoot into my hand and wrist.</p><p> </p><p>Memories flood my brain, every time I’ve hurt someone I cared about or put them in danger. The pain of losing my sister, my dad, Ollie, then my dad coming back to life; the guilt over hurting Ava and my team; the fact that I may never see the love of my life again, and that the last time I saw her, she was scared and running over to me... and the fact that I probably won’t ever be able to touch her again without seeing some kind of vision, which are almost all terrible.</p><p> </p><p>“Sara, stop!” Her arms are wrapped around mine from behind and she twists me so quickly and firmly, I don’t have a chance to respond. That’s when her arm touches my bare lower arm. I feel it again, everything going black and I’m powerless to stop it.</p><p> </p><p>-//-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I want kids.” We’re lying in bed. She’s wearing her silk pyjama set and she’s got one arm sneaked around my waist. I can see the apprehension on my face. “I can carry them... or we could adopt?” She goes on but I still don’t answer. “Do you not want kids with me?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Of course I do, I’ve imagined it a thousand times.” </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>She props herself up on her elbows. “But?” </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I shrug. “But... it’s different now. I won’t be able to see or touch our kids Ava. And we will live on the Waverider. Besides, I officially disappeared, for the third time in 2018, you in 2020. I don’t know if any adoption agency will accept us.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“We’ve worked past every other issue we have with your power Sara.” </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“But bringing kids into this madness? How fair is it to them?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Her face is the epitome of broken but she smiles still. “Yeah, you’re right. Besides, we still have a bunch of kids to take care of!” Her voice is cheerful but she’s just doing that for my benefit. She rests back down on clueless me. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>-//-</p><p> </p><p>“Let go of me!” I scream, loudly.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going to keep punching the wall? Or are you going to talk to me?” She questions, her arms still wrapped around mine firmly.</p><p> </p><p>I bit my lip. “Just stop touching me!”</p><p> </p><p>I feel her grip loosen but she doesn’t let go of me completely. I’m terrified to move in case we end up having skin-to-skin contact. So I just sit there, crying. Weak. Slowly, she completely releases me until I’m able to move away, slowly using my hands to guide me to the wall. And Ava waits until I’m resting against it and she joins me. I’m vaguely aware that my hand is throbbing, causing me to wonder if I was punching the wall harder and more than I realised.</p><p> </p><p>I shake my head. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” My voice is so small.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to do this alone but you have to let me in, Sara.” She leans her head on my shoulder, her hair tickling my neck. “Just let me in, please.” Normally, she would be holding me or touching me by now. She always finds comfort in physical touch, much more than I do.</p><p> </p><p>“Ava,” I breathe, leaning my head back, giving her head more room to snuggle into my neck. “I’m so... angry. I can’t even describe it.” I shakily breathe in. “I knew going up against the Fates would be hard but now? Nothings going to be normal ever again.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes it will, we’ll get the Loom, Charlie will get your sight back and I’m sure they can remove your power.” I feel her warm hand on my stomach.</p><p> </p><p>I scoff. “And what if she can’t? Hm?” My tone is undeservingly cold. “Then I’m blind, useless on the Waverider and the worst thing is that I won’t ever be able to touch you again.”</p><p> </p><p>This time, she lifts her head off my shoulder. “Sara, what makes you think we won’t do this together, like everything else? What makes you think we can’t make this work?” I don’t respond, wiping the falling tears. “Do you really believe John will suddenly stop fighting for you? You think he will stop looking for a cure or something? Do you really think the team want anyone else in charge?” She pauses. I can imagine her face right now. “The only reason they listen to me is because they respect and love you and have learned to like me - something I did not make easy I might add.”</p><p> </p><p>I shake my head. Her words don’t sink in. “Do you know the last time I saw you? Like really saw you? It was just before I fainted in John’s house. I had like... a vision of you running over to me but just before then, that’s when I truly last saw you. And that might be the last time,” I stop, needing to just breathe. Ava doesn’t say anything but I know she’s looking at me. “I’m never gonna get the happily ever after you with and you deserve bett-”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop.” Her Director Sharpe, strict tone has reared its head. “Don’t you <em>dare</em> tell me that I deserve better. I deserve to be with the woman who I love and I know for a <em>fact</em>, loves me. The only thing you owe me, Sara Lance,” she pauses, putting both her hands on my stomach and releasing a breath. <em>She’s crying</em>. “The only thing is for you to not slip away from me like you’re trying to now.”</p><p> </p><p>She pulls me into a very careful hug. “Baby, don’t go into your corner. I know this is hard and I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel... but let me in so I can hold you up and keep you strong.”</p><p> </p><p>I rest my head in her Lycra covered lap. “I don’t know if I can do this.” My voice is almost unrecognisable to my own ears.</p><p> </p><p>“Then let’s figure it out... <em>together</em>.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Leave a comment and let me know what you think!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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